New beginnings

Happy Spring, everyone! Today it actually looks and feels like the season has changed, but the weather forecast for RI indicates otherwise. Snow on Tuesday/Wednesday? I'll keep my fingers crossed that the storm changes paths.

I realize I've been very elusive about things lately and haven't been blogging as often as I'd like to, but this is all due to some major changes in my life. This past Wednesday was actually my last day as a service coordinator for the agency I've worked for since August 2012. It was a bittersweet departure. The job was just not the right fit for me; however, I absolutely adore the people on my caseload and my coworkers. Everyone was so sweet and supportive of me. I definitely intend to maintain those relationships.

The goodbye flowers, cake, and fruit was a nice touch. 

How symbolic is it that I had the first day of Spring to start fresh? Let me tell you, it feels amazing to finally not be on-call for crisis response in almost three years.

I took Thursday to do a little life Spring cleaning: I got a haircut, got a full-service car wash, reorganized my closet, and changed purses. The little things like that make me feel ready for a new adventure. Along with my recent shopping trips, of course.

70% off at Banana Republic...yeah. this shirt cost me $15. WIN.

Yesterday, March 21st, was my dad's birthday. He would have been 58 years old. It's still unreal to me that he's gone...54 is just way too young.

I took a trip to the cemetery to visit him and wish him a happy birthday. All I could think as I drove up was how much he would hate my lime green car. He'd think I was even more ridiculous for naming it and speaking to it in Spanish haha.

Happy birthday, Dad! Words can neither describe how grateful I am to have had you in my life for twenty years, nor how much I wish you could be here for twenty, thirty, or forty more. I think about you everyday, cherishing the relationship we had, the lessons you taught me, and how you've helped to mold me and my sisters into the women we've become. I love you so much, Dad. R.I.P. 8/9/10 ♥

I often find myself wondering what he would think of me today. Would he be proud of who I've become and what I've accomplished? I really hope so. Luckily I still have an amazing and strong mother to support me and my sisters. She really does work twice as hard to be there for us and she deserves the world.

So now that I'm ready for a new adventure, what do I plan to take on?

This coming Monday, I will be starting my new job as a project coordinator for the Carol White Physical Education Program, impacting several elementary and middle schools in my area! I couldn't be more excited about this job. I'm so passionate about the objectives of the grant - increasing children and family awareness of physical activity, nutrition, and overall well-being. I'll admit I have first-day jitters, but I'm ready for Monday to arrive and to take this on full force.

Christmas 2013

Christmas always comes and goes too fast. All of this insanity for one day, then it's done and we fall into the frigid winter months with nothing to look forward to until Spring. And living in New England, that doesn't guarantee a significant climate change.

End rant. Cue Christmas recap.

I believe it's true that we learn something new everyday. I spent my entire Christmas Eve prepping food, baking up a storm, and attempting to clean up before church. I cooked quinoa, baked gingersnap cookies and peanut butter cup cookies, baked gingerbread protein bars (I followed Peas and Thank You's amazing recipe), and diced veggies, all while intermittently cleaning up after myself, from 9am straight through 3:15pm. What did I learn from all of this, you ask? I learned that when my family insists at 3:10 that I attend Christmas Eve mass starting at 4pm and I'm a flour-covered mess still in my pajamas, I transform myself into a presentable human being in less than 15 minutes, makeup and all. 

Pretty impressive if I do say so myself. And a valuable lesson learned.

P.S. Is my sister gorgeous or what? I wish I had half her looks.

The end results of my morning chaos:

Gingerbread bars unpictured, they just aren't attractive desserts when your best camera is on your iPad.

Needless to say in my mad rush, I never even thought to wrap my Christmas gifts. So that meant returning home from work to run to the basement and discretely wrap everything before my family arrived. Barely got it done.

Now that we're all older, my family just does all of the gifts on Christmas morning. It's cute that my mom still writes "from Santa" on our gifts. I really hate when people buy me gifts, honestly. I'd rather see them use the money towards themselves or someone else. I have everything I need already; however, I was not at all disappointed in my gifts.

Rocking my festive Santa pjs, my gifts spread on the floor (don't mind the dog bed haha), and my new boots

Crappy pictures, but we had to hurry to get dressed and head to the cemetery to spend some time with Dad on Christmas. Christmas sure is different without him here. He had so much Christmas spirit, he was like a little kid. I love and miss him so much...

What a goon. 

Our family is pretty small now. Including the four of us, we had 10 people for dinner. At least it gives me the chance to be a little more creative with side dishes knowing there are less people to please.

This year's experiment was a recipe I threw together on the fly. Red quinoa, red cabbage, sugar snap peas, mushrooms, and scallions lightly sautéed in a wok with a dressing of sesame oil, soy sauce, Ginger, Dijon mustard, apple cider vinegar, pepper, and garlic. I had three servings of that shit, no shame. Along with two small sweet potatoes, tons of roasted asparagus, and fresh green beans. I hate that ham is the traditional protein for Christmas dinner, I just can't eat it. It grosses me out.

We spent the rest of the evening playing Who's on my Head and just hanging out enjoying each other's company. We ended the night watching Just Friends.

MIMM: Tis the season to swap gifts, bake cookies, and reminisce

Hello, Monday. I'll get back to you after I recap the weekend.

My friends hosted a $10-limit Yankee Swap at their apartment on Saturday night. I nommed on some chips and salsa, chai almonds, and homemade red sangria, played some Scattergories, and caught up with a few friends I haven't seen in a while. It was a pretty lax gathering with a small crowd, but I totally appreciate the fact that all in attendance share the same awkward sense of humor. Yankee swap gifts were prime.

I almost ended up with this bad boy:

Lil' Raskull. Christian rapper extraordinaire, straight from the dirty south.

Alas (or not), I ended up with my own gift:

Puppy calendar, desk calendar, and planner pack.

Am I disappointed? Hell no. Other gifts in the mix included a pooping reindeer, massaging pillow, Robsessed (a DVD all about the wonder that is Rob Pattinson), a bottle of pomegranate Burnett's (hello, college), a cookie skillet kit, and scratch tickets ($3 of winnings were had, FYI.)

I dedicated my entire Sunday to baking Christmas cookies. Isn't it odd how I'm the one assigned the task of making cookies when I don't eat them? Of course, I recruit the help of indulgers to keep things fair. My mom was none too happy to be given the job of crushing candy canes for peppermint meltaway cookies. I also coerced my sister and her boyfriend into rolling the cookie dough for red velvet cookies. I'm not particularly fond of the sticky batter and lingering red tint that results from baking those cookies. Refer to the picture of Ryan's tainted fingers (bottom right, below).

Red velvet cookies, peppermint meltaways, and egg biscuits

I made the batter for gingersnaps and set it in the fridge to bake on Christmas Eve when I have more time. I also decided to experiment with a sugar-free cookie for myself to indulge in...I have to do something with that stevia I won in a giveaway after all.

Chocolate Hazelnut Butter Cookies!

Not the most appetizing-looking photo of the finished product, but I find all dark brown baked goods are difficult to make pretty. I swear these taste like Nutella brownie cookies. Recipe at the end of the post.

I've definitely noticed myself thinking about my dad a lot and finding myself in conversations that lead to him. For the first year since he died, I'm not feeling that overwhelming sadness when I think about Christmas without him despite his continuous presence in my mind. It's bittersweet. I feel like I am finally coming to terms with the holidays without him, learning to accept the fact that he isn't here and finding comfort in the memories of him. He and my Uncle Bob have been making consistent cameo appearances in my dreams, so they kind of are here celebrating Christmas with me. 

Last night, I took the time to reread a short story I wrote about my dad's death. I hadn't looked at it since I last revised it and read it the first Christmas after he died. It was hard to look at, the wounds were too fresh. I really want to try to submit it for publication in a literary journal soon. I just have to find the right one and write a really good cover letter to go along with it. It's crazy how difficult it is to get things published though, so I'll have to revisit this after New Years.

One last marvelous side note - after a week of overindulgence and lack of physical activity, I was so happy for two hours of yoga on Saturday and Sunday morning. I thought I'd struggle more than I did with balance or lifting weights, but I managed. My mom was the one who really had an awesome weekend breakthrough. The real success of this weekend is how far she's come with her flexibility. I'm so proud of her! Check out how low she is in that split! 

Linking up to Katie's MIMM!

As promised, I'll end this post with the recipe for Chocolate Hazelnut Butter Cookies.

Sugar-free Nut Butter Cookies

Ingredients

• 1 cup natural nut butter of choice (I used Justin's Chocolate Hazelnut Butter, yum!)
• 1/4 cup egg whites, or 1 egg
• 1/2 granulated stevia (or the equivalent of 1 cup of sugar*)
• 1 Tablespoon coconut flour 

Directions

Mix all ingredients in a medium sized bowl until well combined. Refrigerate dough for at least 30 minutes. 

Preheat oven to 350° F
Roll into 1-inch balls and place about an inch apart on a non-stick baking sheet. Bake for 8-10 minutes, removing from the oven when they are still slightly soft to the touch*.
Cool on wire racks, and enjoy!

* These cookies can be made using 1 cup of sugar or splenda, depending on your preference, if stevia isn't your thing.

* If you like crunchy cookies, bake for 10-12 minutes, but watch carefully for burning.

Half empty or half full, at least I have a glass.

The last few days have been tough for a number of reasons, but it has put some things into perspective. Life is a learning experience and I've definitely gotten my money's worth of lessons, good and bad, this week. 

I found out I didn't get that job that I interviewed for. I wanted it so badly and I was so upset. But it lead to a really meaningful, honest conversation that I've been avoiding for the last three years. Keeping that in mind, I think this is all meant to be. 

That same day, a good friend went through a traumatic experience that is leading into an ongoing battle. My heart goes out to her and her family as she deals with the situation. I can't even justify being upset about my own things when she has all of this going on. Life is so fragile and we need to appreciate what we have. You never know when it's going to be taken away. 

Times like these really put the memories of my dad in the forefront of my thoughts. I miss him so much. Three years, three months, and six days ago, and it still doesn't feel entirely real some days...