Spill It Sunday: Childhood Dreams vs. Reality

After a lazy weekend of yoga and not much else, I was a little uninspired for a Sunday blog post. Then I stumbled across Arman's Spill It Sundays link up and thought I'd join in.

Every week is a new theme. This week's topic: Childhood Dreams vs. Reality. 

I'll start off with one of my favorite childhood pictures of myself:

My parents tried really hard to raise a little hipster.

-> What did you want to be when you were younger (career wise)? 

I was an odd kid. In the second grade, my teacher did a lesson series on dinosaurs and I honed right in on paleontology. I was obsessed with the idea of traveling to random desserts, caves, wherever it was that I assumed dinosaur fossils might just be hanging out waiting for me to dig up, dust off, and admire. I think it was the cool hats, casual attire, and warm climates that were presented to me as an essential part of the role of a paleontologist. Highly unrealistic, obviously. Luckily this fascination was a phase, not so much a long-term dream.

Pre- and post-paleontology infatuation, I always imagined myself writing. I wanted to be an author. I was always a lit nerd, burying my nose in advanced reading level books and day dreaming about random stories. 

-> What dreams did you have when you were younger?

I have always been relatively practical about my future and what I would be able to achieve. As a kid, I don't really recall any outlandish dreams other than the typical pre-teen 90s girl hopes of one day marrying Taylor Hanson or Justin Timberlake. 

Don't even try to tell me Taylor Hanson didn't maintain his sexiness.

I wanted to go to Disney World, another "normal" young kid's dream. 

Family trip to Disney World, FL. My dad was more excited than any of us.

Speaking of Disney, I am sure I dreamt of someday becoming a Disney princess. More specifically, Ariel. There was a time where I adored the Little Mermaid. Those dreams were shattered, however, on a day my family refers to as "Bloody Monday," where my brand new Little Mermaid outfit was ruined after a messy injury resulting from a run-in (literally) with a dishwasher. Did I mention I was a klutz?

-> Are you in the same career path as what you wanted?

Absolutely not, and I am actively working to change that. Pushing myself to start and maintain a blog is one step towards pursuing a career in writing. Not like I don't enjoy blogging or writing in general, mind you. This just holds me accountable to sitting down with my thoughts and putting them to paper (or keyboard in most cases). I'm also applying to jobs more in line with my ideal career goals: grant writing, health psychology, etc. The problem is that Rhode Island is devoid of promising job opportunities, and the job market is so competitive that any chances of me getting hired to a position that I've applied for is disturbingly unlikely. But I'm determined to keep trying. 

-> Have you achieved any of your childhood dreams?

Well, I didn't marry a Hanson brother and Justin Timberlake is married to Jessica Biel so there's your answer to childhood dream #1.

I've been to Disney World numerous times and continue to dream of going back. I don't care what you think, Disney World is so much fun.

In regards to the Little Mermaid, my opinion of her is vastly different from the idol-like figure I once viewed her as...

Seriously, this bitch is a slut. What woman gives up her voice to be a naked human being for a guy she has never actually met? Her motives are obvious. Whore.

-> Will you try and make any of those dreams realities? 

Like I said before, I'm actively working to pursue my dream of a career in writing, whatever that may be. I believe that as long as I keep trying, something will come my way when the time is right. 

Will I pursue my long-lost dreams of marrying a 90s boy band member? Probably not. But if JT showed up at my doorstep, divorce papers in hand and a ring in the other, don't think I wouldn't accept.

In closing, I'd like to share another favorite childhood picture of my mom and I. Again, baby hipster status with that bandana. Thanks a lot, Mom.

See ya, 2013. It's been real.

As 2013 comes to an end, the most prominent thought in my mind is not how great of a year it's been or how much I'm looking forward to the new year. Instead I find myself thinking about how long it will take me to get used to writing 2014 rather than 2013. I'm giving it until at least March. And I'm being generous.

Just kidding, sort of.

2013 was a great year overall. It had its rough patches, but compared to the tragedies and hardships from 2010-2012, I'll take it. 2013 was the year of yoga,

coming to terms with myself, hard work towards personal goals and my job (the latter is not necessarily by choice), crazy happenstances, and stepping out of my comfort zone.

I met new people (some of which my life would have been better without, but that is all a part of my theory of balance), made some personal changes, became addicted to Candy Crush,

Why?!?!! Fucking Candy Crush.

and took chances I never imagined myself taking five years ago. Like randomly sending out an email to a trivia company and getting hired. This is the same girl that wore black sweatshirts regardless of weather and hid behind her hair in high school, didn't party in college, and is still to this day the most chronic mumbler on the planet. And I love my late nights, starting random conversations with whoever seems interesting, and talking loud and clear - so I hope - into a microphone. Go figure.

I've considered making a few New Year's resolutions for 2014, but all that comes to mind are the typical exercise more, eat healthier, and drink less that all American women seem to begrudgingly vow to adhere to every January. Honestly, I don't think it's healthy for me to make a solid resolution because of my tendency to become obsessed with these little goals, viewing them as challenges and taking them too far. If I'm trying to make progress with gaining weight, reducing anxiety, and learning to go with the flow of things, my 2014 resolutions will need to reflect that.

My 2014 Resolutions:

1. Live in the moment and appreciate it for what it is.

2. Yoga, on and off the mat. Yes, that may sound cryptic, but it makes sense to me. Yoga is not just a form of exercise, it is a state of mind.

3. Embrace social opportunities.

4. Write. Whether it's blogging, creative writing for my personal enjoyment, or finally getting a job that allows me to use this skill (fingers crossed).

5. Do what makes me happy. I've found that I'm a much more pleasant person now that I eat more, care less about my appearance, and enjoy a drink or two regularly for either social reasons or to unwind before bed with a small glass of wine. I really debated "cleaning up" my diet, cutting out stevia and packaged foods that I enjoy, and giving up alcohol, but is it really worth it? No. I'd lose weight and be cranky. Plus, I'm 24. I need to embrace my youth while I can.

Now I'm off to MC some bowling event, give out prizes, and countdown to the New Year. I expect to be highly entertained. I hope everyone has a happy and safe New Years' Eve! Peace out, 2013!

MIMM: Tis the season to swap gifts, bake cookies, and reminisce

Hello, Monday. I'll get back to you after I recap the weekend.

My friends hosted a $10-limit Yankee Swap at their apartment on Saturday night. I nommed on some chips and salsa, chai almonds, and homemade red sangria, played some Scattergories, and caught up with a few friends I haven't seen in a while. It was a pretty lax gathering with a small crowd, but I totally appreciate the fact that all in attendance share the same awkward sense of humor. Yankee swap gifts were prime.

I almost ended up with this bad boy:

Lil' Raskull. Christian rapper extraordinaire, straight from the dirty south.

Alas (or not), I ended up with my own gift:

Puppy calendar, desk calendar, and planner pack.

Am I disappointed? Hell no. Other gifts in the mix included a pooping reindeer, massaging pillow, Robsessed (a DVD all about the wonder that is Rob Pattinson), a bottle of pomegranate Burnett's (hello, college), a cookie skillet kit, and scratch tickets ($3 of winnings were had, FYI.)

I dedicated my entire Sunday to baking Christmas cookies. Isn't it odd how I'm the one assigned the task of making cookies when I don't eat them? Of course, I recruit the help of indulgers to keep things fair. My mom was none too happy to be given the job of crushing candy canes for peppermint meltaway cookies. I also coerced my sister and her boyfriend into rolling the cookie dough for red velvet cookies. I'm not particularly fond of the sticky batter and lingering red tint that results from baking those cookies. Refer to the picture of Ryan's tainted fingers (bottom right, below).

Red velvet cookies, peppermint meltaways, and egg biscuits

I made the batter for gingersnaps and set it in the fridge to bake on Christmas Eve when I have more time. I also decided to experiment with a sugar-free cookie for myself to indulge in...I have to do something with that stevia I won in a giveaway after all.

Chocolate Hazelnut Butter Cookies!

Not the most appetizing-looking photo of the finished product, but I find all dark brown baked goods are difficult to make pretty. I swear these taste like Nutella brownie cookies. Recipe at the end of the post.

I've definitely noticed myself thinking about my dad a lot and finding myself in conversations that lead to him. For the first year since he died, I'm not feeling that overwhelming sadness when I think about Christmas without him despite his continuous presence in my mind. It's bittersweet. I feel like I am finally coming to terms with the holidays without him, learning to accept the fact that he isn't here and finding comfort in the memories of him. He and my Uncle Bob have been making consistent cameo appearances in my dreams, so they kind of are here celebrating Christmas with me. 

Last night, I took the time to reread a short story I wrote about my dad's death. I hadn't looked at it since I last revised it and read it the first Christmas after he died. It was hard to look at, the wounds were too fresh. I really want to try to submit it for publication in a literary journal soon. I just have to find the right one and write a really good cover letter to go along with it. It's crazy how difficult it is to get things published though, so I'll have to revisit this after New Years.

One last marvelous side note - after a week of overindulgence and lack of physical activity, I was so happy for two hours of yoga on Saturday and Sunday morning. I thought I'd struggle more than I did with balance or lifting weights, but I managed. My mom was the one who really had an awesome weekend breakthrough. The real success of this weekend is how far she's come with her flexibility. I'm so proud of her! Check out how low she is in that split! 

Linking up to Katie's MIMM!

As promised, I'll end this post with the recipe for Chocolate Hazelnut Butter Cookies.

Sugar-free Nut Butter Cookies

Ingredients

• 1 cup natural nut butter of choice (I used Justin's Chocolate Hazelnut Butter, yum!)
• 1/4 cup egg whites, or 1 egg
• 1/2 granulated stevia (or the equivalent of 1 cup of sugar*)
• 1 Tablespoon coconut flour 

Directions

Mix all ingredients in a medium sized bowl until well combined. Refrigerate dough for at least 30 minutes. 

Preheat oven to 350° F
Roll into 1-inch balls and place about an inch apart on a non-stick baking sheet. Bake for 8-10 minutes, removing from the oven when they are still slightly soft to the touch*.
Cool on wire racks, and enjoy!

* These cookies can be made using 1 cup of sugar or splenda, depending on your preference, if stevia isn't your thing.

* If you like crunchy cookies, bake for 10-12 minutes, but watch carefully for burning.